Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
