you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Randomize
