You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
