hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Randomize
