So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
