I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
