omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
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