I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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