There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
