I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
