Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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