You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
