Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
