i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Randomize
