haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
