booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Randomize
