addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
zippers are such a cool invention
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
