I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Randomize
