$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
