whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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