How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
