Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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