I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
