Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Randomize
