She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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