our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
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