Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
