Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
This baby is an asshole
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
