U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
