you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
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