we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
