Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I have aggressive nipples.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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