I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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