Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Randomize
