I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
