That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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