So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I want a musical about memes.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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