so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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