Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Randomize
