I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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