I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
