Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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