It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Maybe he injected his testicle?
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
