bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
