bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
