I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
