They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
