and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
