My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
