just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
