beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
