You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
