Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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