It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
