you turned your livingroom into a bong?
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
you traded sex for a burrito?
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
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