Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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