what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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