I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
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