Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
